adam

here is your war-time song

2006-11-13T20:56:26Z

open wide your angel eyes
twice the size of your appetite
trace the outline of your lashes
paint your eyelids all with gold
and everything you use to see
won't once be used for me
i'm told i can run away now
i'll forget before too long

there was once a prophecy
handed blindly down to me
sometimes i forget what it is i'm supposed to be
but now and then appears a reason
and i'll see when its too late
then write dull words down
and pretend to cross you out

make a liar of an honest man

i paint pictures inbetween
where i cut out all those scenes
every double cross and pinky swear
on basement stairs
show your teeth, not for aggression
and let a smile passed those lips
and baby please just one more time
pretend i wasn't so full of shit

say you trusted every word i said
i wish i could say the same for you

i'll never read those words again
but i could make them up
all i need is a song to fill my ears
then i'll line them up like toy soldiers
but we know its a front
a strong, steady breeze
is all you need to bring it down
but your lips won't be moving air anymore

i breathe in familiar fumes
trying to keep this pen amused
while i wonder when my oxygen will be consumed
soon i'll pass out from exhaustion
in my closet of a room
and i'll board up the only window
and let your stage lights lead me out

maybe it was just a terrible dream
but i couldn't create someone like you

why am i trying to keep these memories of you alive?
why am i trying to keep these memories of you alive?
why am i trying to keep these memories of you alive?

so, now you're long gone
so here, is your war-time song

so, now you're long gone
so here, is your war-time song

as if you ever really mattered

2006-10-03T04:28:23Z

what happened
what happened
what happened to you my dear?
i'm so sick
i'm so sick
i'm so sick to my stomach.
before glue could ever dry,
my heart broke
again
and again and again
until i forgot what its like
to have feelings
the blood in my fingers
its all just pins and needles
pins and needles.
needles.
thumbtacks and ice picks.
what happened
what happened
what happened to you?

a true show of character, i guess.

2006-09-13T21:00:57Z

I’m usually not one to speak out
But you’re decisions of late are, on all accounts,
Pretty fucked up
And not in a good way
And I heard about you and that Elli
If even half of it’s true
Then I’m not surprised that you’ve been kicking yourself to sleep
Oh, and who pulled who’s hair on who’s head
Well I’ll tell you that it’s told me more of you
Than you did
Well I heard about you and Elli
If even half of its true then I’m ashamed of you
And your sense of loyalty
Oh, and who found who’s hair in who’s bed?
Well I’ll tell you that it’s told me more of you
Than you did
Oh and who found who’s hair in who’s bed?
Well I’ll tell you that it’s told me more of you
Than you did

-owen "who found who's hair in who's bed?"

a true show of character, i guess.

2006-09-13T21:00:11Z

bleed_american @ 2006-09-10T14:29:00

2006-09-10T18:31:48Z

cross out your words
pretend i never read them
pretend you never meant them
pretend it's all my fault
they told me mixing pills and booze would kill me
but here i am
alive
but here i am
still breathing.
cause i can't make it stop.

bleed_american @ 2006-07-09T13:26:00

2006-07-09T17:38:11Z

you send me letters while in the white room
though i don't know why you're there but i know
black letters disappear from the screen
and get buried in the black

i begin to go backwards
where am i and how did i get here?
counting my steps from one ocean to the other
it was all so sudden in every way
before i knew that it happened, i became a ghost
passing through linear freeways
it was all at once, or never at all
i was never a man of great faith
but there is something unavoidable
blatantly unforeseeable yet completely undeniable
there ARE greater hands at work here

and so i fold my hands and shut my eyes
i called it all lies, yet i return
desperation i was told will make a man crazy
and so i am, i cant deny
though i never will be able to again
only absolutes and sobering truth
i lift my head and remember where i am
then i remember where you are
waiting for fresh blood to replenish poisoned veins

you told me that you never sleep
just slowly go idle
shut down all systems and stare at the wall
do you blink twice in the morning
wishing you were someone else?
or are you accepting of the circumstances
do you ever just lay your head and dream
of grand escapes and underground fallout shelters
where we can go when your numbers come calling
where i can hide you and keep you alive while i keep then away
where they cant get to you

you know i've said it before
"i'd dig you a tunnel and take you away
to a place where we will not be needing our names"
and if they follow us there, i will keep them at bay
with an army of alphabets
that take my words as commands
no i'll keep you covered and when the battle is over,
i will lay by your side singing
"baby my darling we will be just fine"
alright?

alright

i've been reading those med books, and i think we're ready to play doctor

2006-07-09T17:26:27Z

i brought you my knives
and if you want, i'll make the first cut
if i said it wouldn't hurt, then i'd be a liar
but i just want to remove what's ailing you
and if it must exist outside your host,
well i'll swallow it down
with a half forced smile and apologize
i'm afraid to let you down
i'm afraid to let you go
whatever it takes, i've got what it takes
at least that's what i'll tell you
but thats the wicked truth

you brought me your death certificate
and i begged you not to sign it yet
but as those words spilled out,
the blood was dripping from your finger
and looped into elegant formations

you told me it would be alright
and you are like me,
you say that you don't lie
but i let that one slide
you knew that i wasn't fooled

so i smiled today for you
just like you asked me too
but it was hidden behind salt filled eyes
as i listened to songs i wasnt strong enough to write

what else am i to do?
everyday i'm away is another day closer
to the end of our days
you said "bare with me my baby
i just need to love something and that something is you
but you can't fall for me because you know that i'm leaving
baby i haven't got long"

who am i to say no?
i was told that everyone, everyone dies alone
i most likely will, i cannot deny
as for you, you will not
that i can say
i will and i won't try not to disappoint
i'll do whatever you ask
except for that
how can one accept love without returning it?
well i know that i can't

and you said it wouldnt hurt
but i let that one slide
i'm all ready to feel the needles
and pin open my eyes

honestly, thats not how i meant it

2006-07-09T17:15:40Z

i've been sharpening my knives and sharpening my senses
creating alibis for former offenses
what i did has been done
and this has nothing to do
with me opening up to you
if honesty counts,
then it shouldn't read like a shutout
so if you want me to play dead,
i will roll right over
comparing tuesdays to thursdays
and returning unsure
but baby, you know
becoming a wordsmith is something that i'm willing to learn
but i haven't the time to create a fire from smoke
i threw out my lighters to teach me not to choke
cause you gave me your heart
and i gave you my word

please, throw me under the bus

2006-07-09T17:12:22Z

a cross country angel
an inaudible disease
i heard that it was eating your insides out
and makes you bleed a deadly poison
so lets cut it out
i brought my knives
and if you want, i'll be the one to make the first incision
but you'll have to show me where it hurts
because i'm not sure where the stitches are supposed to go
but lets meander and just forget it for now
are you smiling?
then i guess i am too
to keep you from expiring,
well i would pull my insides out
trade my king for a pawn
give an arm for your cure
cause when it comes down
i'll keep it up so the ceilings don't fall while we make our move
trade a pen for pins and needles
cut the came words in my bones
so if it reads like shit, you can cover it up
then shut me out, and i'll sleep alone in the street tonight

peppermint tea

2005-12-30T23:52:29Z

Listen for shadows
I can't ever see them.
By the time I’m let out,
The sun is done sinking.
I’m missing those days
When the sun still would be shining
To make it north early enough
To see her then deny it.

Most of the time,
I speak with her ghost
And leave notes by the phone
I forgot that I wrote.
Reading some old chicken scratch
On neon blue paper.
It loops and it rolls
With a decimal point chaser.

Sit at the table waiting for water to boil
To pour into ceramics
With tea named after
Some British royal.
Sweeten with honey
And a slice of a lemon.
Lord, when did I
Turn seventy seven?

Passed like blurred trees on the interstate
Get up and get over, you know it ain't too late

Cause I still remember the forest fires
Reflecting like mirrors off your blueish green iris
40 days and 40 nights since I heard the call
I’ll sit on the pier smoking
Waiting for the ship to draw near

I never tested my mind passed high school
And sometimes I worry if it has been too long
Drank all the poison and inhaled too much smoke
While my brain suffocates in the attic

Oh my! Has it been that long?
I’m getting selfish and forgetting the way.
Nobility never comes too easily
And I’m fucking with feelings I lied that I had

Oh lord, pray for my soul!
Who knows if I can still be helped?

But that's ok,
Its all-right
Honey, I’ll be just fine

That’s alright
It’s just fine
Babe I won't even try

magnadoodle

2005-12-27T08:13:01Z

i know i'm a fool but i'll talk anyway
anything to get a rise outta you
it may be too soon but i gotta ask you once
what's it like? confusing, we'll i could've told you that

sleepy girl, get some rest. baby sleep on the floor
the metal bars are a' achin' your spine
well i could snap back those vertebrae
if you're in need of a touch
babe i'll come get you if you need a safe place to lay

first night i came by, i drove passed your road
i didn't notice the sign on the left side
but when i turned around i saw the word above ground
and i pulled up and got nervous
i knew that i would

and its all cause i'm livin' on borrowed time
got the bookies and the hounddogs close on my mind
oh i feel so damn selfish for thinking of words
but i refrain. i know i'm lonesome
but it ain't the time to be tied

traquilizer darts fly in the air
a wrong step and you're neck gets the dose
i'll be on the floor there bleedin' if you don't pull me close
a near miss. you bet i'll soon be paying you back

they all flock down to shepard
with their friend from the hills
spill words out through 5 dollar beers
if you thought that i was drowning there,
you got me all wrong. i may be tired
but i got my lifejacket on

it's all cause i'm sleeping in a hospital room
waiting for the pharmacist to prescribe me pills
but i'm don't want to find out if anything's wrong
no one to blame. i'll take it all on my own

we're all on drugs can't handle a day
who needs those feelings when you can waste them away
burn out like candles when you don't have a wick
just give me a spark i'll get the wax lit

bleed_american @ 2005-12-17T20:19:00

2005-12-18T01:25:23Z

lonely red roses
waiting for some kind of fool
to pick them from the stool
before the gas station closes.

been around too long
sitting out in the cold.
no roots, they grow old.
singing their silent wiltin' song.

careless young guys
driving fast down the valley.
approach their finale.
breathe in quick boys,
and close them blue eyes

can't look down to the ground.
two helium balloons.
rise up to the sky, boys.
don't you forget the sound.

sleep in sleepwalker.
did you read of the news?
ready your suit for the pews
and you just might need that walker.

walk up, sweet little lady
do you hear those footsteps?
angel stopped by to tell ya
returned to the one who made him

catch up, loving brother.
your sister's alright
saw quite a sight.
"lord knows if i'll recover"

all of the characters
hold tight one another
"give us strength, i think we all need it"
"bring end to our nightmares"
"amen." "amen"

26 minutes
you still got the time
to purchase lonely red roses
and lay them where they lied.

bleed_american @ 2005-12-17T19:49:00

2005-12-18T00:55:27Z

lights out.
sleep in the passenger seat.
just a little more drunk than you thought.
slowly, begin to see it all.
your breath, the smoke you exhale.
the seamless line of automobiles.
go home and pray we make it safe.
cause i heard she didn't.
ma told her to be careful.
sometimes you can be careful all you want.
that don't mean when you're over your head,
you'll grow legs and swim.
some situations, well,
they're the cement in your shoes
not to be a pessimest,
it's just what i heard.
maybe you should just stay home instead.

bleed_american @ 2005-12-16T20:40:00

2005-12-17T01:45:21Z

isn't it easier to mean what you say?
to be the last one standing, yeah its not so bad.
can't really complain.
got the sun on my shoulders
and the shade on my eyes.
yeah its alright.
you can say what you mean.
i'm not one to judge.
i mean we've all got our own problems right?
lord knows i've got mine.
but i haven't folded my hands for him in years.
i might be a bad christian,
but i gotta tell ya,
i'm better than most.
got no fear of God.
just a hope that when bones turn to dust,
he'll find a place where i can rest.
lord spare me the fires.
you know this soul ain't so bad

i hate writing with hi lighters while on break at work

2005-12-16T00:37:25Z

dare me to speak
i'd rather send out morse code.
but i'd do what i have to to appease you.

what's it like where you are?
i mean that figuratively.
but still either way,
i still would love to get to know.

speak slow and soft.
or scream at the top of your voice.
just days ago, i went deaf.
and i've always been sort of half blind.
sometimes, well most times,
i speak before i think it through.
it's just one of those things.

they say i've got A.D.D.
but i'd much rather be in disorder
than a medicated soul.

and there i go again,
telling tall tales.
if you knew my history,
you would know i'm a fool for self medication.
but the only doctor i trust is myself.

i'm always finding myself caught in a vice.
i can't ever be free.
but i'm trying my heart out to grow.
i live life over dramatically.
just like those movies i've read somewhere i should see.

i can't express myself quietly.
i have this love/hate relationship with sound.
but when it comes with melody,
there ain't nothing i love more.

And i'm not much of a singer.
more of a "poetic comedian".
i kill the feeling quick before it sinks in.
and before i know, its time to come clean.
kill it off before it becomes too real.

i'll talk to you later.
i'll see ya around.
when we meet up for something
maybe i'll fill you in.

magic hat # 9's are the best ever

2005-12-15T02:20:20Z

well i've got a story for you.
quiet now. and come a little closer.
let's see what magic i can pull.
but i could be lying.
i've told you that before, haven't i?
i can't be trusted.
no, i can't even trust myself.
i'm dying to tell you.
i'm not sure what it is yet.
just be patient.
sit back and relax.
ignore what others might say.
you can trust me. believe me.
about what i said before,
i might've lied
but i told you that before, haven't i?
put some faith in me

closing argument

2005-12-14T03:33:38Z

You asked for a fight and now you’ve got it.
Your withholdings not so secret.
But you remain,
Quiet and undeterred.
Created a mess out of an earthquake.
How does it make you feel?
Proud?
Strong?
I was once strong before I lost it.
Two small girls,
Only one able to speak.
But not yet old enough to form questions.
But when these young ones are,
What will you say then?
Daddy ran and he don’t care.
Only thinks for himself alone.
You better tell them how it really went down.
Fights over cigarettes and blows to the head.
Bringing a man to madness.
Two small girls and an army of thieves.
A Jesus freak and an unholy hex.
Woman, you know its untrue.
Blood runs deep and you can’t drown out that one fact.
Pray for Satan to stand by your side.
Cause God ain’t gonna save you now

hear no evil

2005-12-13T06:17:23Z

counting passing fireflys
while i count time between this and my next smoke
as words blend into the back.
it may be hard to read but i'll spell it out anyway.
babe, sometimes i wonder what you're doin'.
where you are when you are gone.
just know its cause i care for you.

now the next quarter comes faster than the last.
my brain will begin to slow.
when i finally stand up,
you know i wish i was getting down with you
but oh, thats just a cover.
i mean i love getting down,
but i'd rather get lifted then
f
a
l
l
asleep

oh you can be certain
that it hurts my eyes to read
the disappearing ink that i wrote down.
the letters blend right into the background.
so won't you please change me from blue to green.
i know its like asking an atheist for a miracle
but i changed pens to better recall my words.
but now that they're easier to see,
will you run from certainty
you're my mystery

on this day, and end came by Dakota.
and for once all was quiet
in the ears of a man who died for the sound
and i hope maybe we could make some noise.

in random conversation, i hear of stories.
i wished i was deaf so the sound
would reflect of my mirrored head and out to sea.
i know it ain't none of my business
and you know i'm broke from paying attention.
seems whenever i think of flowers,
sickness blooms instead.
baby wont you take the sound away take the sound
away take the sound away take the sound away
take the sound away from my ears

old bones

2005-12-13T06:08:20Z

i've tried to quit over and over
but i keep falling under.
right throught the floorboards
secrets will reveal themselves.
before i knew i was back on.
getting myslef sick.
a patient suicide.
baby i aint planning on leaving now
but you know its times to get the fuck out of here.
exhale, i keep breathing smoke.
inhale whatever i can get my mitts on.
but i'm losing grip.
hands rough like sand paper.
this is what i want-
a need to need noting.
just a bed and a heater and warm cup of tea.
thaw out these old bones.
i got old and don't remember getting there.
crossed some fine lines i never should've seen.
but thats just how i roll.
i fight my hand from drawing familiar scrathes.
pink ribbon scars but they ain't on my arms
they show on other places than what i carry.
whats the meaning?
whats the story?
its just a forest fire i cannot put out.
built up walls to only look at them
get me out the this corner.
lets get the fuck out of here.
lets get the fuck out of here.

cold bones

2005-12-13T06:03:39Z

When I sleep I have some dreams.
Some say they mean more than I can imagine.
Most times I wake up drawing blanks
Underneath sheets that don’t hold the warmth
Freezing probable prophecies before I can realize.
What am I waiting for?
And what am I searching for?
I’ve been looking so hard I might’ve lost my mind.
Lost the meaning of.
I don’t want to feel sick no more.
I don’t wanna talk no more.
Lost my tongue in a dream that made no sense.
Night comes easy but rest don’t come with it.
Eyes of fire burning.
Everything revolves around what I do not have.
I’m always fighting for breathing room.
Fighting for air
While I trap my head underneath the sheets that don’t hold the heat

cut your hair

2005-08-02T12:06:34Z

i'm cutting all my hair off today. last time i got a significant haircut was december 28th 2004, the same date i dislocated my knee while playing a show. i am also no longer in the band i was in. i figure i'm starting new with alot of things right now, so might as well leave the hair behind too. not like it was a big thing, or something. its just alot longer than i've had it since i was 14. i kinda wish i had pictures. hah, i havent had my picture taken (besides some band ones) in at least 8 months. shits wacky.

bad poetry

2004-12-14T16:14:56Z

i never wrote a word

bleed_american @ 2004-12-07T20:08:00

2004-12-08T01:09:50Z

capricorn
12/07/04

my watch is set on eastern standard
but i must be living in central
cause when i think i'm on time,
i'm always late.
we didn't just meet
i've known you for a while
though not for too long
but you just caught my eye
it's much deeper than site
i can't really explain
i've never been one for words

but baby, i think i'm leaving soon
though i'd like to stick around
i just don't think that i can
we can meet on winter afternoons
until the sun rises
from the tropic of capricorn

if i know you, you'll be listening
to music that will break your heart
so you will be prepared
when the breaking comes
if it's got a downbeat,
you know that you can dance to it
no don't be shy
you know what you do every night
i cant really explain,
i've always been one for song

but baby, i think i'm leaving soon
though i'd like to stick around
i just don't think that i can
we can meet on winter afternoons
until the sun rises
from the tropic of capricorn

i'm swimming though an open doorway
assessing all my options
and staying around won't work out for me

show me all the rules girl

2004-11-24T15:50:48Z

11/19/04

you put on your makeup
about the same time that i wake up
with all the time you take,
you're painting someone else
cause we both know
the person you are under black eyeliner
i know your insecurities
but i don't know you're alter-ego
though that's the one that i first met
and the same when you left me alone

you're driving through wood with precision
we both can't argue that
you never fought me
you just built up your contempt of me inside

i'm not sure if it's the chemicals in the air
this morning sky is beautiful
it is every morning
but i'm starting to embrace it
there's no sense in fighting
i need to survive
it really could be much worse

the worst part is i'm always alone
and we both know what happens then
i think way too much
that's maybe what caused all of this

i really would like to now
you wre always back and forth
merely days before our last touch,
you were singing "it's love, or at least it might be"
but the short end of probability showed its ugly head

but this isn't the first
it just seems the worst
cause i don't think you're coming back this time

i've wrote it all down before
but it was different, i was mostly to blame
i am not sure if blame rests on you
i just wish you would've let me know what was up
i just wish you let me know what was up
_______________________________________________

close cover-strike on back
11/22/04

lately i've been thinking
i should quit everything
and start new.
cause smoking's only killing me
and drinking just slows my senses
for a couple of hours.
this isn't a call for help.
i'm doing ok on my own.
i'm just writing to say
"it's time i start living for me"
cause i smoke out of stress
and i drink to forget.
i dont want to need this vice.
i want to go at it head on.
everything's an experiment.
just wait till i finally let go.
here's to waking up sober.
here's to knowing the end.
here's to being the strong one.
here's to letting it go.
_______________________________________________

athiest
11/24/04

hiding out in a small new england town
trying to tell my past that i'm not ready
to make peace with what i've done.
i never said it was glamorous, unfortunately,

it's just what i gotta do to keep breathing
shock my lungs into action
keep moving on to cover up my tracks
oh, i never wanted this.
i'm a man on the run

i burned off all my fingertips
cause i ain't the man that i was
i see them sitting in inconspicuous vehicles
plotting how to arrest me
before this bomb strapped to my chest explodes

is this what i gotta do to get attention?
lock my hands at the wrists
oh, i always tried to keep the faith there's something up there
but if it ends this way
if it ends this way, i'm taking it down with me

bleed_american @ 2004-11-18T23:27:00

2004-11-19T04:46:00Z

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
01. Clutch
02. volumecontrol
03. Mad Adam

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
01. thevolumecontrol
02. amoebaambience
03. adameatworld

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. i can be pretty cool
02. farely intelligent
03. decent musician

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. think too much
02. i have bouts of insecurity
03.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. Greek
02. English
03. Irish

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01. time travel
02. other languages, literally
03. mall metal

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
01. alarm clocks
02. dumb drivers
03. hipsters

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
01. boogy man
02. ultimate doom
03.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. music
02. bros
03. hoez

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
01. snowhat with brim
02. paulson hoodie
03. shoes

THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
01. printer
02. phone
03. notebook

THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
01. shitfuck
02. cockballs
03. assfacee

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/MUSICAL ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
01. weezer(blue and pink)
02. glassjaw
03. jimmye at world

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
01. death cab for cutie- information travels faster
02. reggie and the full effect- another runaway song
03. minus the bear- absinthe party at the fly honey warehouse

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
01. my band
02. phil hartman
03.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:
01. no bullshit
02. gets my mind off how terribly unhappy i am at home
03. they're just cool

THREE REASONS YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH EXES:
01. cheated on me
02. didn't feel right anymore
03. it was not the right time in our lives to be in a relationship anymore

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
01. no bullshit drama
02. have fun and not dwell on stupid shit
03. spooning

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
01. hips
02. eyes
03. personality

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
01. sleep enough, i work weird fuckin hours
02. rely on my car
03. get my life together

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
01. maverick
02. writing my own songs
03. partying hard

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
01. beer
02. bitches
03. blunts

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
01. musician
02. band management
03. record label

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
01. australia
02. greece
03. galopogos islands

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. absorb as much beauty as possible
02. have as much fun as possible
03. make it